Cinema Night

Math for the rewatch — settle the bets the movie keeps starting

Six calcs for the movies and shows that turned into running jokes. How long would it actually take to walk to Mordor. The airspeed of the swallow. Whether you can survive the Fire Swamp. The 88 mph problem. Hodor's hold time. Eleven's waffle requirement.

Walk to Mordor Calculator

One does not simply walk into Mordor — but if you did, the math says it'd take a while. Calculate days to Mount Doom from any starting point at your hiking pace.

Coconut Swallow Velocity Calculator

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow carrying a coconut? Pick African vs European, set the coconut weight, get the answer that nearly threw King Arthur off the Bridge of Death.

Fire Swamp Survival Calculator (The Princess Bride)

Three terrors of the Fire Swamp: flame spurts, lightning sand, and R.O.U.S.es. Westley said the dangers are 'absolutely no problem.' Calculate your actual probability of survival per minute.

DeLorean 88 MPH Calculator

From Back to the Future: how long does it take a stock 1981 DeLorean DMC-12 to hit 88 mph from your starting speed? Answer: longer than Doc Brown wanted to admit.

Hodor Hold the Door Calculator

Game of Thrones Season 6 broke us. This calculator estimates how long Hodor could hold a door against an army of White Walkers and wights, based on door material, attacker count, and Hodor's faithful 6'10" frame.

Eleven's Eggos Per Episode Calculator (Stranger Things)

Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown) eats Eggos in Stranger Things. A lot of them. Calculate Hawkins's total Eggo consumption across the season based on Eleven's mood and freezer access.