Group Chat Disputes

For the debate currently consuming your group chat

Six calcs designed to end arguments. African or European swallow. How many licks. Does Mario have enough lives. Were they actually on a break. Are you reading these texts wrong. And whether that was an innuendo or just a sentence.

Coconut Swallow Velocity Calculator

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow carrying a coconut? Pick African vs European, set the coconut weight, get the answer that nearly threw King Arthur off the Bridge of Death.

Tootsie Pop Licks Calculator

The world may never know — but the math does. Calculate how many licks it actually takes to reach the chewy Tootsie Roll center based on your tongue and lick depth.

Mario Lives Calculator

Super Mario Bros. has 32 levels. World 1-1 alone has eaten lifetimes. Calculate how many lives you'll need to clear it (or the whole game) based on your skill level.

We Were On a Break Calculator

Friends Season 3, Episode 15: Ross slept with the copy-shop girl. Rachel said they were on a break? They WERE on a break. This calculator tells you how long that defense holds up.

Mixed Signals Decoder

Translate ambiguous texting patterns into a confidence score and a plain-English interpretation, so you can stop refreshing the chat and find out what's actually going on.

That's What She Said Per Meeting Calculator (The Office)

Michael Scott averages roughly 1.3 'that's what she said' jokes per scene in seasons 2-7 of The Office. This calculator estimates how many you'd hear in a meeting.