"I'll Tell You The Three Terrors..."
In *The Princess Bride*, Westley and Buttercup must traverse the Fire Swamp. Westley enumerates the three dangers โ flame spurts, lightning sand, and Rodents of Unusual Size โ and says he doesn't think they exist (right before being attacked by one). They survive the swamp because they're protagonists. *You* may not be.
This calculator gives you per-minute survival probability based on the three classic hazards.
How to Use This Calculator
Time in swamp (minutes). Westley and Buttercup spend roughly 12 on-screen.
Flame-spurt awareness (0โ10). Westley's "popping sound" detection trick. Default 6.
Lightning-sand stick (yes/no). Carrying the magic vine for rescue. Default no.
R.O.U.S. weapon (none / sword / fire). Default sword (which is what Westley used).
The Formula
Per-minute survival is the joint probability of avoiding all three hazards. Over N minutes, total survival is the per-minute probability raised to the N-th power.
Defaults (12 min, awareness 6, no stick, sword): about 31% survival. Westley got lucky.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are R.O.U.S.es real?
Capybaras get to 150 lb. R.O.U.S.es appear ~6 ft long. Probably not real. Probably.
What's lightning sand?
Quicksand that pulls you under in seconds. Buttercup falls in; Westley dives after her with the magic vine. Don't try this without the vine.
Is the Fire Swamp passable?
Per Westley: yes. Per statistics: maybe 30% of the time, with the right gear.